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People Names Luigi Mangione Sexiest Assassin of the Year
University of Alabama Professor of Sexiness Studies Jenna Hottz concurred with the committee’s decision: “Luigi is on the Mount Rushmore of hotness for murderers, if I may say so myself. Luigi, if you’re…
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Self-Proclaimed World’s Tallest Man Just Matched with You on Tinder
Disappointed friends reported Monday that you’ve probably hit the high point of your Tinder career and it’s all downhill from here.
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Area Parents Contemplating Eighth Divorce
The pending divorce proceedings are reportedly being handled by Looke, Hughes, Bach, and Egen, a Chicago-based law firm specializing in ‘high-numbered’ divorces.
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Top Ten Most Romantic Days in February
My uncle Fred’s birthday is February 6.
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Struggling in a Toxic Relationship? Try Being More Toxic
We interviewed one of the RSO’s most active members, Jake Neebus, and asked him why he joined. “I like making my girlfriend cry,” said Neebus. “I like it a lot.”
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Point: I Can Fix Him/ Counterpoint: I Can Make Him Worse
Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I’m worthless.
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How to Find True Love by Mansplaining Pool in Hallowed Grounds
Casually slip in the fact that you’re in Physics 12100 and begin to explain (in your sultriest voice possible) all about “ball collision theory,” “the sweet spot,” and “relative slipping analysis.” So sexy.
