Disappointed friends reported Monday that you’ve probably hit the high point of your Tinder career and it’s all downhill from here.

The pending divorce proceedings are reportedly being handled by Looke, Hughes, Bach, and Egen, a Chicago-based law firm specializing in ‘high-numbered’ divorces.

My uncle Fred’s birthday is February 6.

We interviewed one of the RSO’s most active members, Jake Neebus, and asked him why he joined. “I like making my girlfriend cry,” said Neebus. “I like it a lot.”

Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I’m worthless.

Casually slip in the fact that you’re in Physics 12100 and begin to explain (in your sultriest voice possible) all about “ball collision theory,” “the sweet spot,” and “relative slipping analysis.” So sexy.