By Ryan Fleishman April 26, 2016 1. Zebras. With their famous black and white stripes, Zebras are essentially angsty, different colored horses. 2. Alpacas. These Peruvian beasts of burden are South America’s horse.…

By Daniel Ruttenberg April 14, 2016 I really need help here. My prospie, Michael, has beenis slowly changing his appearance to look like me, and this is definitely is not normal. To be…

By Mildred Prossmith, 1912 Jan. 22, 2016 Dear Esteemed “Chicago Shady Dealer,” I’m writing to you as a concerned citizen who has been repeatedly turned away from The Chicago Tribune and The New…

By Morgan Pantuck, 2031 Jan. 22, 2016 After several decades of substantial inflation, a recent study sponsored by the United States Department of Education (DOE) recently confirmed that the grades at Harvard University…

By Nik Varley Dec. 31, 2015 Millions of people celebrated the coming of the New Year across this world this past January, and while many of them made resolutions and set goals of…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 19, 2015 At his presentation at International House on Thursday November 12, many attendees were shocked to see Garry Kasparov slaughter a horse onstage.  Moments after his introduction, Kasparov…

By Reed Thurston Nov. 11, 2015 Following a string of reports from students and other University of Chicago community members claiming to have witnessed the event firsthand, college the Dean of the College,…

By Zachary Spitz Oct. 22, 2015 At a news conference yesterday in Boston, chuckling economists presented the results of a series of studies showing that the fishing industry is, ahem, floundering. Lead researcher…

By Alex Hall Oct. 12, 2015 Frat parties can be a very confusing muddle for a first year. From the nonsensical assortments of Greek letters whichthatwhich constitute their names to the sweaty mess…