Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
The Dealer is proud to announce its newest product: single-use light bulbs.
After countless decades of arduously examining the University of Chicago’s student population, The Dealer has recognized a common trend: Students consistently desire a “light bulb moment,” particularly when starting essays or PSETs 24 hours before the deadline. Reports of headaches caused by eye strain and, as several students reported, by “the lack of a light bulb moment,” have similarly increased during these times.
To address these issues, The Dealer has created the perfect method to ensure that each of their single-use light bulbs will fizzle out after exactly 2.333335 seconds, satisfying both the “light bulb” and the “moment” components of a “light bulb moment.”
Please contact The Dealer if you’re interested.
Andrea Zhou — a self-proclaimed hot chocolate fanatic — is co-editor-in-chief. She has written and edited a number of articles for The Shady Dealer, and aspires to finish college with over a hundred articles under her name.
