Some Motherfucker Broke the Woodlawn Study Room Window over the Summer, Haha!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I was walking around Woodlawn during the summer, and I noticed that some motherfucker broke the Woodlawn study room window! I was like, how the fuck does that even happen?
Like, seriously, how do you break that window? It’s huge, and difficult to even crack. And someone broke it entirely! Did they, like, throw a table at it or something? At least it wasn’t a pipebomb exploding like last time…
Oh my god, I just thought about the bill they’re gonna have to pay. Good luck with that! I guess UChicago’s gonna charge them like $30k. It’s not worth that much for sure, but they will definitely overcharge them.
But now I can at least be at peace with myself. For years I thought that I would fail at this university. But now I know that if there are people who can break the Woodlawn study room window, then I can make it to the first midterm!
9 And on the seventh day, God read Janice Raymond and repented not, saying, "Verily, this woman builds better than she knows," and so promised an Empire to the transgendered.
10 And as a sign, He sent the Star of Paektu to anoint the Christ-as-Supreme-Leader, whose holy lineage would rule until the final days.
11 For it is written that the rapture shall begin when the substance named estrogen be first administered in Pyongyang, and I am but the prophet who shares this news of great salvation.
