America Withdraws Support for South Korea in Exchange for Golf Course in Pyongyang
SEOUL — President Donald Trump has announced that the United States will withdraw all support from South Korea following “productive talks” with the North Korean leader’s sister, Kim Yo-jong.
“Yo-Joe is a really smart, really intelligent woman,” President Trump said in a statement. She agreed to our country’s common sense agenda, and has promised that the United States and North Korea will be best buddies again. We discussed creating a new golf course in Pyongyang, it’s going to be the biggest golf course ever. And we’re going to bring our soldiers home, we are not going to spend another dime on worthless missions in Asia anymore, we’re finally going to make America great again.”
Following the announcement, Trump immediately lifted the travel ban on North Korea, and signed an executive order renaming it “Best Korea.”
President Trump’s announcement was hailed by North Korean officials. Pictures released by the Korean Central News Agency showed houses in the central Mangyongdae neighborhood that have already been demolished to make way for the SpaceX Friendship Golf Course, as the course has been tentatively named. Moreover, the North Korean Minister of Defense has announced that, in order to celebrate the recent rapprochement, new missile tests will be conducted directly targeting “the libs of Los Angeles.”
In the meantime, the South Korean authorities have issued an emergency warning. “It’s so joever,” said interim President Choi Sang-Mok, who allegedly asked for Australia and Japan to house South Korean residents should Korean War II break out. In order to pressure the US to reinstate support, South Korean authorities have already issued bans of all Samsung product sales in the US. Rumors of a ban on the sale of kimchi have not been yet confirmed.
Vivian Psylos
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