People Magazine Reports No Celebrities Have Drama This Week
NEW YORK — Readers picking up the latest edition of the world-renowned People magazine were greeted with a disappointing sight: three dozen pages of ads, crosswords, and dull articles completely devoid of celebrity drama.
“It’s been a really slow news year,” said entertainment correspondent Upp Standingmorals. “Celebrities have altogether stopped cheating on each other, getting caught in embarrassing moments with paparazzi, or even making mildly controversial clothing choices on the red carpet.”
“We’re all out of news,” said People reporter Louis Daly. “We even snuck a covert mic into Glenn Powell’s yoga room to try and catch something interesting, but all we got was fifteen minutes of prolonged moaning that may or may not have been salacious.” “People sincerely apologizes for our recent uninteresting issues, and for failing to live up to our sterling reputation for top-notch invasion of privacy,” Daly said, “I guess our readers will just have to find genuinely interesting things to do with their time, like fishing or the ancient Japanese art of bonsai.”
Editor-in-Chief, 2022-23
Editor-in-Chief, 2022-23
