Campus Life,  Chicago Shady Dealer

Disaster Strikes! Kid You Hate Still Goes Here

What a shitty fucking way to start the year. 


After you finish moving in, you decide to treat yourself to a nice meal. You walk to the newly renovated Bartlett to enjoy a warm plate of glop. You watch first-years struggle to open the doors as you approach. You hear the Bart Mart cashier FaceTiming as you pass. It’s good to be back. When you catch your breath after walking up the stairs, you tap your card and enter.


You scan the tables for that perfect spot, when you start to feel sick. Unfortunately, it’s not the smell of the food. Your eyes have locked in on a gremlin-like creature. Your heart drops. It can’t be true. But as you stand there in disbelief, the Bartlett light continues to shine on his greasy face, and reality sets in. The rat bastard is really still here! How is this possible!? A person that sucks that much can’t possibly have friends, so what is keeping him around? Sure, he’s smart, but annoyingly smart. The kind of smart that tries to trick the professor when he asks questions. You figured it was only a matter of time before a professor got tired of his bullshit and punched him in the throat. Maybe physical assault is a little much, but your mind can’t help itself when it sees his grimy mug gnawing on Bartlett pizza. There’s no real evidence that he’s a terrible person, or even a bad one really, but you figure he’s hiding something. 


Realistically, the dream that he would leave the school, or at least get thrown out the door of a plane, was unlikely. But did he really have to spawn right here, right now? Obviously, the rest of the day is ruined. Likely, the rest of the week. Quite possibly, the rest of the year. Nevertheless, God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers, and you must forge ahead bravely and do the only thing you can do: sit on the opposite side of the room where you can see him and pray that he spills his drink all over himself.