Campus Life

Top Twenty Things on Other People’s Laptops You Can Pay Attention to Instead of Your Bio Topics Lecture

  1. A Tinder profile with their ACT score listed.
  2. A trauma-dumpy request for an extension copied and pasted from an identical email sent to the same professor last quarter. 
  3. Modern love article rough draft— “I realized being rejected made me a better person, and maybe a hotter person as well”
  4. “Crush on the redhead with a green jacket in Fineschi’s Core Bio” on UChicago crushes, from the redhead with a green jacket sitting two rows in front of you
  5. Their reflection on Photo Booth 
  6. Top Fourth of July Recipes for single moms
  7. Top ten gay Hallmark-esque romcoms on Netflix
  8. A Youtube video on aesthetic note taking
  9. Watching the lecture for a different class with bad closed captioning 
  10. r/HowToGetIntoAFrat
  11. Sparknotes for the class syllabus
  12. Somebody Googling “Do I still have to go to class if I test positive for covid?”
  13. Transit directions to a sex shop
  14. Friendle (a friend’s Wordle derivative)
  15. Your LinkedIn
  16. Youtube fan edit for the 90s classic Y Tu Mama Tambien
  17. Googling: “Why are potatoes good?”
  18. The my.UChicago page for dropping the class
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Lena Birkholz is a second-year in the College who somehow seems to be turning out exactly like her parents. When not writing biting exposes of the university for the Dealer, Lena enjoys mispronouncing the word "corps", jaywalking and taking up space in coffeeshops