University Hires New Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks

HYDE PARK– The University today announced the hiring of Redd Undant as the new Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks. 

“The well-being of the University is deeply important to the well-being of the University,” said University President Paul Alivisatos. “We felt like the administration just wasn’t doing our job with 5,438 employees, but we remain optimistic that the 5,439th will do the trick.”

University Provost Ka Yee C. Lee announced in an email that “As the Neubauer Family Assistant Associate Vice Admiral Director of Rigorous Professional Academic Engagement, Inquiry, and Hijinks, Mr. Undant will rigorously and professionally assist, associate, and direct various academic inquiry tasks.”

“They gave me this long title or whatever,” said Undant, “but I’m pretty sure I’m just a regular academic adviser. Is that a good enough quote for your press release?”

“Cool, the bathroom’s down the hall, yeah?” he added.

Students can book appointments with Undant through Handshake starting Monday.