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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sloth of Bears Reported inside PIKE Fraternity Building

    Rahul Gupta / September 26, 2021

    At 9:30 p.m. on Saturday, September 25, a sloth of American black bears (Ursus americanus) was reported inside the PIKE fraternity house. After getting over our befuddlement at the fact that a group…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Four Social Blunders to Avoid During O-Week

    Henry Mackall / September 25, 2021

    Hello new students! O-week is finally unfolding, and we hope you’re ready to meet your peers. Knowing this school, and the kinds of people it attracts, it is only natural that many of…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Data Driven Analysis of the Most Likely Wars Dean Boyer Will Liken to Getting into the University of Chicago at Convocation

    Christian Villanueva / September 24, 2021

    It’s that time of the year again: back to school sales are starting, temperatures are cooling, and college students across the country are preparing to return to campus for what they hope may…

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Read It and Weep

  • Trump Vows War to Last No More than 6 Weeks/5 Minutes/17 Years
  • Get Your my.UChicago Data Off the Dark Web in Five Easy Steps
  • Twelve Ways to React When Someone Says Something You Disagree With in Class
  • Analyzing Melina Hale’s Welcome Video for Avant-Garde Sensibilities
  • It’s Springtime! Flowers to Sniff, Poke, and Potentially Buy
  • Duo Authentication Requires New Blood, Urine, and STD Test Sample to Verify Identity; Most People Fail
  • Maroon Wins Pulitzer Prize for “Courageous” Reporting on Reg Bathroom Closure
  • Odyssey Scholars Program replaced by David Rubenstein Sugar Baby Program
  • An Open Letter to My Professors: If Congress Can Take a Vacation When They Have Work to Do, Why Can’t I?
  • Point: Dining halls should strive to incorporate healthier cereals. Counterpoint: You can pry the Lucky Charms out of my cold, dead hands, bitch!

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