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Jan. 9, 2017
iMessage bumming you out? Snapchat not doing’ you dirty like it used to? Never fear, sSexting over Venmo is all the rage in 2017, and you heard it here first.
We all know that there’s nothing hotter than a naughty dick pic accompanied by a receipt. In the words of Venmo creator Andrew Kortina, “Money in the air as mo’ fair/grab you by your coat tail/Take you to the motel ‘ho sale/Don’t tell, won’t tell.” And with Venmo, you’re always sexting for keeps. 😉 All you need is a money transfer between $0.01-2999.99 per week and a little imagination to keep things steamy. Because money, credit, and debt always get me feelin’ prepped to send some nudes.
But lLet’s be real. In this digital age we are forgetting what real connection is. It’s not about “likes” and “friends.” Those aren’t real, man. What matters in the end is getting ass and American currency – two things that have historically stood the tests of time. As likely celebrity-sexter Akon once said, “Our focus is the social transaction. Our bet is that we can do a better job of giving the user the best experience.” Just remember that John from Calc wants you to call him “Daddy” just as bad as he wants the eight dollars you owe him from sushi last week and the rest will come naturally. If that isn’t beautifully human, then I don’t know what is.
Disclaimer: For every 100 sexts you send, Venmo staff are legally entitled to get off to 3. Not a scam! We swear!
Happy sexting.
