Chicago Shady Dealer

I Should Really Get Into This Housing Market

By Ryan Fleishman, 2008
Feb. 5, 2017

I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it is finally time for me to go all-in on the housing market. I can’t wait to put my entire savings account into use by spending it all on real estatehouses, the market that keeps on giving. Mind you, I know almost nothing about housing,. bBut I do know where house prices are going, and that’s up, up, up! My wealth manager said something about “inflation”, or “speculation”, and how “the housing market is a massive bubble of speculation and low interest rates that will inevitably come crashing down, dooming the United States economy,” but secretly, I think he’s just trying to hog the whole all the market forto himself. The numbers never lie!

The onlyOne problem with the phenomenal rise in the housing market is that, because I am slightly late onto the trend, housing prices have already risen significantly. Heck, I might not be able to buy a single house myself using my life savings! Thankfully, all the kind bankers on Wall Street offered to mortgage my house, so Ii can finally spend more money than I have. Now, I may not have a perfect credit score, but it’s just enough for me to take out the mortgage on a house well beyond my means. These wonderful businessmen from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac offered something called a subprime mortgage that starts at a super low rate that I can definitely pay off. Of course, the loan becomes adjustable-rate after two years, but I have no idea what that means so I doubt it matters. Economics can be tough, and stock values can ping-pong around on the daily without any warning. That is why I am going to put all the money I can spare, and some money I can’t spare, into the most stable market available: housing. If it goes well, I can invest the profits with Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities!