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Jan. 17, 2017
On Tuesday, the FDA released its yearly report on the status of foods and drugs in America, concluding that “Overall, both are pretty nice and we have a lot to be thankful for.”
The report analyzed US consumer markets over the last few months to determine the overall quality of available products. It reads “We found a lot of great barbeque joints, Americans have a myriad of snacking choices, and food trucks are the shit.” Indeed, the public has never had it so good when it comes to eating their feelings.
Additionally, the report found the American market for drugs has never been quite as robust: “Remedies for medical issues of all kinds have never been so accessible. Everything from allergies and vitamin deficiencies to crippling life dissatisfaction and impotence can be fixed with a quick visit to the pharmacy”
The report also determined that consumers of food and drugs are getting more value out of every purchase. It highlighted the increasing potency or “dankness” of recreational drugs and rising calorie counts that allow consumers to get more nourishment for less.
Amidst the tumult of the presidential transition many federal agencies are struggling to adapt to new executive leadership and policy goals, but FDA commissioner Robert Califf MD has a much more optimistic outlook. “It’s smooth sailing ahead,” says Califf, “Whatever the administration’s goals are, it won’t affect the unmatched quality of America’s food and drugs”
