The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Kelly Lo

R.E Stern

Managing Editor

Kate Kaplin

Deputy Managing Editor

Andre Dang

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Copy Editors

Jacob Halabe

Maisie Thompson

Merrin Seegers

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected]

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Citizens Worried Proposed Single Payer System Will Force Them to Change Leech Provider

    Nik Varley / March 16, 2013

    Washington, D.C., 1860 Citizens across the country have expressed concern that a proposed single-payer healthcare system would limit their choice of which breeder supplies their medical leeches. The proposed reforms, informally dubbed LeechCare,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Boyer Heartbroken Over Death of His Tamagotchi

    / March 16, 2013

    Chicago, 1997 In breaking news, the Shady Dealer is sorry to report the death of Dean Boyer’s Tamagotchi Habsburg, also known as “Habsy”. Habsy was in the “Teen” stage of the Tamagotchi Life…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Aaron Sorkin Launches New Show: ‘Aaron Sorkin’

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Betancourt Oct. 16, 2012 NEW YORK, N.Y. — Academy Award-winning screenwriter Aaron Sorkin announced last week the launch of his new television, Aaron Sorkin, to air Fridays on NBC in the…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Trace Amounts of Water Found in Chicago River

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar Oct. 20, 2012 CHICAGO, I.L. — Researchers at Northwestern University’s Department of Planetary Sciences announced the discovery of water in the Chicago River, confirming results of two years of battery…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Dog Learns to Use Facebook

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 It’’s dinnertime in the Powell household. Steven and Gwen Powell, and their children Anna, 17, and Sarah, 15, are seated around the dinner table. The family dog,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Entire Class of 2016 Drowns

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 Tragedy struck the University of Chicago last week when the entire class of 2016 drowned in a series of freak accidents across the Chicago area. School officials…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local resident wanders into I-House drunk at 2 am demanding waffles

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 Residents of the University of Chicago’s International House were caught off guard last week when a Christopher Malone stumbled up to the door of the stately building…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Arley D. Cathey buys naming rights to student

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Hannah Gitlin Oct. 21, 2012 Students at the University of Chicago were surprised when, on October 5th, University alumnus Arley D. Cathey, Ph.B ’50, acquired the naming rights to Eric Greene, a…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Point: Obama is the Antichrist and a secret Muslim

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 For years, people have doubted me when I told themBarack Obama’s shocking secret: he is the Antichrist described in the Book of Revelations, a King of ancient…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Natural Explorations with Nigel Pennington: The Diffident Tree Shrew

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Spiegel Oct. 21, 2012 The Diffident Tree Shrew, contrary to what its name implies, is neither diffident, nor tree-dwelling, nora shrew. A member of the mountain tortoise family, the diffident tree…

    read more
 Older Posts

Read It and Weep

  • After Years of Confusion, PSI Decides to Just Become a Frat
  • Wanna Feel Better About Politics? Donate to These 4 Inspirational Democrats Running in Districts They Have No Chance Whatsoever of Winning
  • Woodlawn Announces Intramural Cockfighting League to Boost House Culture
  • Pope Francis Considering a 2024 Bid for Dalai Lama
  • Why is the Trolley Problem On My Econ P-Set, and What Did Y’all Get?
  • MAB Bans Non-Black Concertgoers from Saying N-Word at Summer Breeze, Causes Stir
  • Breaking: Your New Student Government
  • Sexy Jesus & Apoptles Rumble Time!!!
  • Four Complaints I Would Have About UChi-Con – If I Went, Which I Definitely Didn’t
  • Op-Ed from an Autistic Person: Why I Am Elated That I No Longer Have to Practice Masking

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions

Archives

Categories

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2022 Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Previous Issues
  • Our Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.