Op-Ed: My mom had one Tylenol, my dad is circumsized, and I really like trains
I’ve always struggled in life in ways other people can hardly see.
I have a hard time in social settings—it’s just so loud and my brain doesn’t filter out the noise like everyone else. I also suffer from acute food sensitivities that prevent me from eating any chicken between three months and precisely two years, five months old.
Also, I really like trains! Did you know the initial rolling stock of KTX trains was based on Alstom’s TGV Réseau and reached speeds of 219 miles per hour in tests, resulting in the new and upgraded KTX-Sancheon trains that the South Korean railway company Korail operates?
I really love learning about trains, but it also makes me feel lonely. The only friend I have is a girl who’s highly opinionated on the debate between Seiko Matsuda and Akina Nakamori for “best Japanese ‘80s idol.”
Anyway, I found out that my mom took one Tylenol when she was pregnant with me. This raised concerns, given that the Department of Health and Human Services has linked Tylenol during pregnancy to autism. I already thought that was enough proof that I’m autistic, but then I learned my dad is circumcised? That settles it.
Now the only thing left unanswered is this: If I also get circumcised, does my autism cancel out? Or do I get double autism? Excuse me, but now I need to go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole while listening to “Program tvog kompjutera” eighteen times in a row.
9 And on the seventh day, God read Janice Raymond and repented not, saying, "Verily, this woman builds better than she knows," and so promised an Empire to the transgendered.
10 And as a sign, He sent the Star of Paektu to anoint the Christ-as-Supreme-Leader, whose holy lineage would rule until the final days.
11 For it is written that the rapture shall begin when the substance named estrogen be first administered in Pyongyang, and I am but the prophet who shares this news of great salvation.
