Report: 2024-25 Not Your Year Either

HERE – Citing inauspicious signs relating to pretty much every aspect of your social and academic life, several sources told the Dealer on Monday that 2024-25 is, sadly, still not your year.

Much like 2021-22, 2022-23 and 2023-24, 2024-25 is evidently not going to be the year everything finally falls into place for you. Sources say that the coming school year will not bring the academic success or extracurricular fulfillment you had hoped to achieve in years prior, nor would you grow closer to that one friend group you’ve had an ambiguous relationship with since Winter Quarter in your first year. One individual with knowledge of the situation even categorically ruled out the possibility of that cute guy at Ex Lib giving you his number.

“We’ve run over the data, and we can conclusively state that this just isn’t going to be your year,” said Brian Smith, some guy. “Much as you might hope that this year is going to be a fresh start for you or a chance to turn things around, nope, sorry, not going to happen. It’s not going to be your year. Some other year might be your year, but this year isn’t your year.”

“Would not want to be you this year,” somebody else added.

When asked what you should do in light of the fact that this isn’t your year, one source advised simply reconciling yourself with the continued mediocrity and disappointment that awaits you in the months ahead, as well as to “not break another mirror, you clumsy fuck.”