Red Cup Washed, Reused

By Evan Bernstein

Oct. 18, 2013

According to roommates, a red plastic cup has been washed and subsequently reused. The cup was reportedly first purchased in bulk for the purposes of a Saturday party at the University of Chicago. According to party host Edward “The Word” Calvin, the party was “dank as fuck,” and very well attended. Eyewitnesses reported seeing many red cups in various stages of use, including on the counter, in partygoers’ hands, on the floor, and in the garbage.

Mysteriously, however, one such cup has found its way back into the cupboard between the glasses Edward’s mom bought and his roommate John’s favorite coffee mug. Speculation as to how the cup arrived at such a prestigious intra-cabinet position ran rampant around the apartment Sunday morning. One roommate, who wished to remain anonymous, conjectured that the cup had been mistaken for one that was taken and, as a result, went was unused for the duration of the party. Second-year roommate John Shelby proposed that it had been carelessly tossed onto the dirty dishes pile that had been accumulating for weeks in the sink. Shelby’s theory failed, however, to address who did the dishes and whether it was even that person’s turn.

Although the details of the cup’s journey are still unknown, reports have surfaced that Calvin, another tenant of the apartment, used the cup for orange juice this morning and replaced it in the sink. Analysts have determined that the cup will likely remain in circulation for the eremainder of the quarter.