My Three-Star Review of Getting Dominos to Bake Me Into A Pizza

By Teddy Zamborsky

April 23, 2016

Last week, I convinced Domino’s Pizza to bake me into a giant pie. A pizza pie. Like tThe kind with cheese, not fruit. Look at the picture,. yYou can spot see me. I’m the sausage with a head on top of the pizza pie. I know, it looks like a breakfast sausage. I don’t know why Domino’s would put a breakfast sausage on a pizza pie. But they did, I am here.

Let me tell you, was that dough pillowy? You bet it was. Especially with their patented garlicc crust seasoning–seasoned crust, Ppatent pending. I found the sauce to be rich in taste, and exfoliating on my skin. The sauceIt seeped into my pores and stretched them all out, like any good exfoliator should. My pores look like well lubed pennies now.

But it wasn’t all delicious face scrub and pillowy crust. Domino’s is one of those weird places that bakes their toppings under the cheese of their pizza pie. So I didn’t really have much of a view, as my eyes were all covered in pizza pie cheese. Have you ever had your eyes covered in pizza pie cheese? I bet Papa John’s doesn’t pull that shit.

The worst part? They forgot my Cinna-Sticks. Three stars.