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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How To Stay Calm When Your Bowling Date Misses An Easy 7-10 Split

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Ok, That’s The Last Time I Date An Undecided Voter

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    An Alphabetical Guide to Parties

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Distressed President Zimmer Forcibly Removed from O’Hare Airport for Soliciting Donations

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Heartwarming! After This Campus Tour Guide Fell off the Roof of Logan, Her Entire Tour Group Followed Her Anyways!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Airline Passenger Detained For Possession of Lethal Weapon 4

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Dean Ellison Screams as Scav Participants Rip out His Still-Beating Heart

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local Horse Festival Immediately Followed By Local Glue Festival

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    College Student Actually Thinks Grandma Wears Big “Proud UChicago Grandparent” Pin Everyday

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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