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Linguists Plead for Desexualization of “Girth”
By Morgan Pantuck Nov. 8, 2016 Nearly 100 members of the Linguistic Society of America signed an open letter to the public this weekend detailing “the necessity of desexualizing the word ‘girth,’” the…
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Kid Behind Me Won’t Stop Answering Rhetorical Questions in Class
By Jacob Johnson Nov. 8, 2016 “Why would anyone, for any reason, answer a rhetorical question? If you answered that question in your head just now, fuck you- you’re part of the problem.”…
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OMG Christmas and Hanukkah are going to be on the same day!
By Adam Lowinger Nov. 10, 2016 Point: I am so excited to for Hanukkah’s 1st night to be Christmas this year. The last time the two coincided was in 1959, and it won’t…
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10 Reasons to Have Sex with Everyone in Your House
By Marlin Figgins Nov. 12, 2016 1. Sex 2. Networking 3. They said college was for experimenting 4. Reduced travel time between hookups 5. Everyone will know your name 6. More sex 7.…
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My Little Pony Could Beat Up Your Little Pony
By Marlin Figgins Nov. 12, 2016 Yeah I said it. My Rainbow Sparkle Sunshine can kick any pony’s ass, even your little pony. Rainbow Sparkle Sunshine is a can full of sunshine… and…
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How Can I Get My Roommate to Stop Masturbating to Christmas Music?
By Marlin Figgins Nov. 12, 2016 It’s beginning a lot like Christmas, all over my dorm room’s floor… Every single time I come home from a long night of studying in the Reg,…
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Our Five Favorite New Pokémon (Please Don’t Masturbate to This)
By The Chicago Shady Dealer Gaming Committee Nov. 12, 2016 PokemonPokémon Sun and Moon came out on November 18th, and we are head over heels in love with the new guys. Let’s have…
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Since I Feel Comfortable Speaking Freely at This University, Here Are a Few Unpopular Opinions About Mad Men
By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2016 UChicago is known worldwide as a paragon of free expression. I can’t imagine myself being as comfortable with speaking my mind about Mad Men anywhere other than…
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Am I Happy in this Relationship or Am I Just Passing Math?
By Baunnee Martinez Nov. 12, 2016 The soft, silky sheet. The streaks of gray that flutter across the page. The brush of the red pen on the the top corner of the calculus…
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How To Tell If Your Tinder Date Is Actually Danny DeVito In Drag
By Ryan Fleishman Nov. 13, 2016 Have you ever had a wonderful conversation with someone special over Tinder, and then set up a date at a local café? Did you meet up with…
