By Timi Koyejo April 25, 2013 After a contentious motion was pushed through by a faction of the Booth House Council, tensions abounded this past Sunday, multiple sources reported. “I had always expected…

By Mark Boykin Feb. 24, 2013 John W. Boyer, Dean of the College at The University of Chicago, has challenged every major and minor deity who exerts influence over natural phenomena to a…

By Chris Deakin Feb. 4, 2013 Having finally returned to the telegraph office after three days of ignoring it, area man George Brittlemeier is reportedly overwhelmed by the number of telegrams left to…

By Hannah Gitlin Jan. 3, 2013 After more than 800,000 Puerto Rican voters voiced support for the island to become the 51st U.S. state, United States lawmakers have determined that “as it stands,…

By Jeremy Wilson Nov. 10, 2012 Peer Health Exchange (PHE) recently expanded their mission from promoting safe sex practices in the surrounding community to helping UChicago students understand how to have sex. In…

By Ricky Stewart Oct. 21, 2012 If you’ve been following the news at all since President Obama took office, you’ve probably heard the rumors about how he’s a Muslim Antichrist sent from Kenya…

By Audrey Fromson Dec. 5, 2018 Apple’s portrait mode has made my mom into a monster. When my sisters and I are together, she whips out her phone and proceeds to take photos…

By Sammy Elmasri and Will Jaffe Nov. 11, 2018 First-year Danny Fenton anticipated an expedited trip when he boarded the South Shuttle, but disaster struck as he mistakenly got off at its Kentucky…

By Shady Dealer Halloween Task Force Oct. 31, 2018 Do you need a last minute creepy costume to spookify your jack-o-friends at the Halloween ghoul-bash? Don’t worry! The Shady Dealer has got you…

By Claire Holland Sept. 24, 2018   Hello, first years! We’re going to start the year with an important lesson: Contrary to what others may tell you, the goal of O-Week is not…