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Campus’s Hottest New Hookup Spot? Dean Boyer’s Bike
By Sarah de Vegvar Oct. 17, 2017 While UChicago lays claim to the nickname “where fun comes to die,.” it could easily and realistically reallytThe nickname should realisticallybe shortened to “where fun cums.”…
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My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas
By Chase Harrison Aug. 22, 2017 My Day in the Marketplace of Ideas By Chase Harrison The letter arrived in my mailbox with a flourish, shooting into my house. Was this FINALLY…
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College Student Actually Thinks Grandma Wears Big “Proud UChicago Grandparent” Pin Everyday
By Ella Hester May 16, 2017 Second-year in the college Kate Todd recently told the Dealer that she truly believes that her grandma wears an approximately 2×2” pin that features the text “Proud…
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“Golly Gee Whiz, Gosh Darn It,” Says Dean Ellison as He Struggles to Stuff the Final Prospie in the Dumpster
By Jacob Johnson April 24, 2017 Jacob Johnson “Golly Gee Whiz, Gosh Darn It”, Says Dean Ellison As He Struggles to Stuff The Final Prospie in the Dumpster “Aw, shucks,.” said Dean Ellison,…
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Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking Undertaking
By Thomas Noriega April 17, 2017 Undertaker Undertakes Undertaking UndertakingBy Thomas Noriega April 2nd, 2017. We all saw it. We all felt it. Roman Reigns pinned The Undertaker after a grueling half-hour match.…
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To Counter the Influence of Old Corporate Billionaires, Let’s Elect a Bunch of Young Environmentalist Tech Billionaires
By The DNC March 9, 2017 November was an absolute shellacking. We now only have six states with both Democratic governors and state legislatures. Now that Tom Perez has won the DNC Chairmanship,…
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University Upgrades “No Barriers” Program To “Very Tall Ladders” Program
By Christopher Walker Feb. 6, 2017 This Friday, Dean Nondorf announced on Friday that the University’s “No Barriers” program of replacing loans with grants for low-income students would be upgraded to the “Very…
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We Are Living In A Post-Racial America
By Ryan Fleishman, 1840 Feb. 1, 2017 1840- My fellow citizens: I am proud to announce we are living in a post-racial America. That’s right;. aAfter decades on centuries of discrimination, we can…
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No, I’m Not a Fuccboi; Yes, I’m Sleeping with Both Girls in My SOSC Class
By Liam Coles Jan. 17, 2017 Recently, I had an experience, which I found not only wildly offensive but also frankly inaccurate. My good friend David and I were hanging out, and I…
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Ten Flavors of Chitterlings for Your Holiday Season
By Marlin Figgins Dec. 8, 2016 For the uninitiated, in most every household in the United States, the real star of any family meal is the chitterlings. Those sweet, foul-smelling pig parts could…
