Chicago Shady Dealer

How to Make Your Couple’s Costume Work Post-Breakup

By Adam Lowinger
Oct. 11, 2016

Does the following apply to you? You’ve just had a tragic breakup with the person you thought would be the one, and now you’re stuck with your half of the planned couple’s costume. You have no time to return and buy/make something new. Worry not dear friend, because the Shady Dealer has some quick tips to at least salvage the costume since, let’s face it, the relationship is over.

1. Fake blood the shit out of that costume: So you lost the Reagan to your Nancy costume, but fake blood is pretty cheap and/or easy to make. Just pour a little of that stuff, rough up the clothesin conjunction with a bit of tattering of the clothes and you have zombie or “finally snapped and killed that bastard” Nancy Reagan. They deserve it for leaving you.

2. Inanimate objects still work as a stand-alone: If the plan was to be something non-humanbe a pair of non-human costumes, you can still dress still are dressed up without them. Being a single jar of Peanut Butter is no reason to be jelly of all the couples that are having fun around you. This is especially useful if you were the salt to their pepper, as you will have an easy time staying in character.

3. Less is more: Cut as much of that costume as you can because no one is going to judge the length of your attire on Halloween. Make sure you to keep your “edits” in sight of your ex at all times in order to remind them that they chose to miss out on all this.

4. Just don’t talk about it: If anyone comes up to you and ask where your other half is, immediately change the subject. Should they persist, drop your drink on them immediately. As you go to get a napkin, leave the party. Repeat his process asas needed throughout the night.

5. Acceptance: You can just embrace the idea that the smile you maintain at the party is nothing more than a façade to hide your inner, un-ending misery; therefore, it is already a perfect costume.