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Booth Student Announces His Two-Week “Immersive Empathy Micro-Metcalf Retreat” on Linkedin
As I am sure that you’ve heard, Booth School of Business, where I am pursuing an MBA as an octuple legacy has gone remote for two weeks. Despite the difficult news and I am proud and grateful to announce that I have been chosen for a highly selective immersive empathy Micro-Metcalf Retreat in Vue 53!
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New Passive Investing RSO Proves Profitable, “Incredibly Boring”
HYDE PARK – UChicago has never had a shortage of investment clubs ready to launch students towards careers in finance, high-paying jobs on Wall Street, and inevitable burnout by age 30. So it should come as no surprise this quarter that two second-year students have taken it upon themselves to found yet another finance RSO. It’s called Phoenix Indexes, and its goal is to teach students the ‘tricks of the trade’ in the world of passive investing. The club shares an origin story with practically every financial RSO. “Phoenix Indexes was founded to solve one key problem: we were rejected from the Blue Chips,” said Ian Vester, PI’s president. “But…
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Point: 2020 Will be the Worst Year Ever. Counterpoint: 5781 Will be the Worst Year Ever.
Point: 2020 Will be the Worst Year Ever Written by Bernard Sanders The COVID-19 Pandemic. The 2020 Presidential Election. Increased and hyper-visible police brutality. Climate change. Fires, floods, droughts, political unrest. This past year has challenged our nation and the world as a whole in ways unmatched in all of history. I personally put my faith in the American public, putting my name in the hat early on in this electoral cycle, only to be betrayed through practices of fearmongering about “socialism” and the influences of my fellow candidates. Let me be clear: I had the solutions, America. 2020 Could have been a horror story with a happy ending,…
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Top 5 Things You Can Say in SOSC to Convince Your Professor That You Did the Readings
“Actually in another class I am taking this quarter...” This is a standard but reliable go to for students who did not want to read another hundred pages of Adam Smith talking about money or whatever. Gold medals should be given to students who can vaguely connect their Global Warming class to their Self discussion. Disclaimer: this phrase does rely heavily on the assumption that you have done the reading for another class. This might be an unrealistic expectation if you are reading this article.
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Trump to Establish New Campaign Headquarters in Bagdad
After several journalists confirmed that Bagdad was indeed a mining-town in Arizona, the campaign manager clarified his previous statement and stated that the new campaign office was an attempt to reach out to Muslim voters and to show that President Trump had their interests in mind after the “Mozlem Ban kerfuffle.”
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Milkshake Wednesday to be Replaced with Fecal Friday
Following the University’s suspension of Milkshake Wednesday over social distancing concerns, the administration has begun using Hutchinson Commons as a center for new, rectal COVID-19 diagnostic tests.
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Introducing UChicago’s Thoughts and Prayers Network, By and For Enlightened Centrists
UChicago Mutual Aid has recently come under fire for using alleged leftist imagery and leftist concepts like “mutual aid.” I was shocked and appalled when I heard about this. My sister’s neighbor’s dog’s groomer is from the former USSR! And if there’s one thing I learned from my unbiased post-Cold War charter school history classes, it’s that communism is BAD! Arguably just as bad or even worse than fascism! Communism means no iPhone and therefore no mutual aid. Checkmate, leftists. Nonetheless, their ring of Antifa agitators continues in their evildoing. I even heard that they are sending operatives to people’s houses to feed people’s cats and probably give them feline Marxist…
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Point: the English Department’s Requirement that Ph.D. Students be Interested in Taking Anti-Racist Coursework Excludes Conservatives Counterpoint: Conservatives can’t read
Point: the English Department’s Requirement that Ph.D. Students be Interested in Taking Anti-Racist Coursework Excludes Conservatives. By: University of Chicago Thinker The English department has recently mandated that prospectives students for their Ph.D. program have an interest in Black Studies and commit to collaborating with the Black Studies department. There are a few problems with this, namely that it is a litmus test for conservatism. You might be saying, “How is asking students to demonstrate a commitment to anti-racism exclusionary?” This statement effectively screams “Those not in agreement with anti-racist principles need not apply.” You may be saying, “Okay, but how does needing to be anti-racist make this policy exclusionary…
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Finance Module Teaches First Year Students How to Set Up Tax Havens
As part of their digital O-Week, the University of Chicago has introduced a virtual orientation module about finance taught by an Econ bro. The course’s instructor — rising third-year economics major, Bryce McKinsey III — sporadically appears in the corner of the screen to help students throughout the module, in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Microsoft 1997’s Clippy. Using colorful graphics and lighthearted YouTube videos, McKinsey gives incoming students advice on a variety of topics in personal finance, such as whether they should set up their first tax haven in Liechtenstein or the Cayman Islands. The Module also includes an Enron simulation game. Students get to…
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UChicago Conversations: First Year Impressions vs. Fourth Year Realities
The First Year Version: Scene: Anywhere in Hyde Park, yet somehow always walking towards the Reg Person #1: Hi! Person #2: Hey! #1: What’s up? #2: Nothing much… It’s just that it’s (some number between 3rd-9th) week and I’m completely swamped! #1: [must one-up previous stress level by at least a factor of 3] yeah, no kidding! Plus have you seen (insert news article to make him…
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