By Nik Varley Nov. 13, 2015 Jeb Bush recently said that he would give any democrat who cut spending by ten dollars a warm kiss. You’d better pucker up, Jeb, because I’m going…

By Alexander Dunlap (1971) Jan. 25, 2014 After weeks of bilateral negotiations regarding quitting rights, rates of metabolism, and access to key neurotransmitters, Sarah Rodriguez, United States Ambassador to Drugs, announced last night…

By News Desk Sept. 5, 2018   At a shocking press conference held Tuesday, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel announced he would not be seeking reelection. Reading from prepared remarks, Emanuel explained his last-minute…

By Dan Lastres Nov. 15, 2016 Responding to a spate of home burglaries and street muggings, the University of Chicago Police Department announced, yesterday, a new plan to relocate Hyde Parkthe neighborhood 200ft…

By Dan Leafhorn Sept. 12, 2015 The University of Chicago’s recent announcement of plans to build a trauma center on the South Side has many celebrating and lauding this decision. The promised trauma…

By Allen Mandelbaum Oct. 19, 2013 Translation is a dead art. No one would deny that. But it’s one thing to let a dead art stay dead, and it’s another thing to keep…

By Diego Matamoros Feb. 20, 2018 A Flock of Canada Geese leaving Hyde Park for the Summer Spring has arrived in Chicago, and with it the familiar scenes that mark the changing of…

By Hakim Lahlou Oct. 9, 2016 In a shocking turn of events, a prospective Student Council member had to be forcibly removed from the UChicago campus, after accidentally dropping out of school. The…

By Elizabeth Sawyer April 23, 2015 It’s every new mom’s worst nightmare. You think your relationship with your one-year old child is perfect. You stay up all night taking care of them, nursing…

By Cambria Whitcomb April 25, 2013 The brothers of the University of Chicago’s Sampi Quoppa Stigma (ϡϘϛ) recently hosted a gathering at Regents Park. Unlike many fraternity houses, Regents Park offers entertaining space…