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Eat Pray Labyrinth: How I Found Myself, Stuck In A Labyrinth
By Antonia Salisbury Oct. 17, 2017 Eat, Pray, Labyrinth: How I found myself, stuck in a labyrinth. This is the story of how I, an American woman in my mid-thirties, recently divorced, and…
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Weirdo Humanities Major Shoves Entire Chicago Manual of Style Up His Ass, Again
By Ella Hester Oct. 17, 2017 A third year Weirdo is preparing for his third annual consumption of the Chicago Manual of Style, by way of his asshole. When asked of his methods,…
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University Introduces Live Bears to Campus in Crackdown on Safe Spaces
By Reed Thurston Aug. 17, 2017 After last year’s controversial memorandum on free speech, the university doubled-down on its commitment to intellectual free enterprise this week. Administrators revealed a new “curricular reinvigoration” project…
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My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It
By Greer Baxter May 14, 2017 My Calculus Professor Has Maybe Thirty Seconds to Erase That Goddamn Spot He Missed on The Whiteboard Before The Entire Class Totally Loses It Every single student…
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February Prospie Not Present at April Overnight
By Adam Lowinger April 20, 2017 February Prospie Not present at April Overnight Sources within the University of Chicago have confirmed that February overnight attendee Stewart Lawson was not present for either of…
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Study from Center for Practical Wisdom Asserts, “This Was a Complete Waste of Money”
By Dan Lastres March 25, 2017 AA report published by the University of Chicago’s Center for Ppractical Wwisdom declares that the Center for Practical Wisdom is “a complete waste of money.” After considering…
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Senior Class Gift
By Jack Hoff and Jill Ng Feb. 22, 2017 Dear Class of 2017, We know you’re all anxious to step over the threshold of college and into the bedroom of life, ready to…
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I Should Really Get Into This Housing Market
By Ryan Fleishman, 2008 Feb. 5, 2017 I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it…
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Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting Progress
By Nico Aldape, 1866 Jan. 27, 2017 Opinion: Reconstruction Will Provide Substantive, Lasting ProgressAt last! The war that nearly tore apart this nearly century-old republic has passed. We can finally repair the scorched…
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An Excerpt from the Syllabus for the New “David Foster Wallace Circle Jerk” HUM Section
By Antonia Salisbury Jan. 9, 2017 “This is water. Don’t worry I am not the wise old fish who is going try and explain to you why David Foster Wallace is both embarrassing…
