Five Things to Spend Your Money on Besides Blu-ray Copies of Ghost Rider 2
These days, there’s so much money. In fact, scientists estimate that there’s now more than ten billion dollars in America–that’s more than a trillion pennies! And chances are, you’ve got your grubby little paws on a bit of that money, even if you’re not a rich guy. But having money is the easy part; the hard part is knowing what the heck to spend it on. One option, of course, is to buy copious amounts of Blu-ray copies of Ghost-Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011), Nicolas Cage’s thrilling second outing as the beloved motorcycle-riding demon hunter Johnny Blaze. Unfortunately, all those boxes of Blu-ray can fill up your attic shockingly fast.
Thankfully, we’re here to rescue you from your paralyzing indecision with a list of five whole ideas for things you can buy apart from Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor’s cinematic masterpiece.
- Marbles
Marbles are lots of fun, and they always will be. What’s more, they’re also extremely cheap, so you can buy a couple of them every week without having to sell your urine for money. And while they’re rarely on fire, they’re really good at rolling, and you can imagine they’re the wheels of Johnny Blaze’s magical motorcycle. That’s great!
- Food
It may not be fun buying food, but eating is something that has to happen every day of your life. If you don’t buy food, you’ll have to ask other people for it, steal it, or die. And if you die, you can’t watch Ghost-Rider: Spirit of Vengeance anymore, unless death is much better than what I think it’s like.
- Life Insurance
Life insurance is important. You wouldn’t want to die and not have your life be insured. Life insurance will delight your loved ones and dependents, because money is good for them. If life insurance weren’t a big deal, it wouldn’t be a plot point in so many movies. I don’t remember if it’s a plot point in Ghost-Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.
- Blu-ray copies of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is a better movie than either Ghost-Rider film. Ioan Gruffudd is a tour de force as Mister Fantastic. Chris Evans delights as the Human Torch. Stan Lee is a revelation as “Rejected Wedding Guest.” Watching this movie will make you feel dumb for buying hundreds of copies of the comparatively underwhelming Nicolas Cage vehicle. You’ll stop buying them after that, but only for a couple weeks.
- Cocaine
Cocaine is awesome. You think they could have made Ghost-Rider: Spirit of Vengeance without cocaine?
Griffin is the deputy managing editor for this paper, and was born early in the morning.
