Breaking News! Human Clones Wreak Havoc
In a collaboration between the I Promise We’re Ethical and the Please Don’t Sue Us Research Centers, scientists have invented Legit, a machine that can perfectly clone a human. Not only does Legit replicate the human’s physical appearance to the cellular level, but all of the human’s personality traits and memories are also duplicated into the clone.
“It’s really efficient,” remarked a scientist, who asked to remain anonymous. “Once my clone and I got past the barrier of simultaneously ordering ‘I’ll do this, you do that,’ with ‘this’ and ‘that’ being the same thing, our time with chores was halved!”
However, not all testers are satisfied with Legit. Another anonymous subject complained, “My clone keeps fighting for the same dishes I’m using, and God knows that I ain’t buying a second dish.”
Even some relationships were affected. “My clone,” a researcher said between sobs, “told my girlfriend that I was cheating on her. I think she’s planning to break up with me tomorrow.”
The researcher’s now ex-girlfriend declined to comment.
Andrea Zhou — a self-proclaimed hot chocolate fanatic — is one of our beloved staff writers as well as a deputy copy editor. She has written and edited a number of articles for The Shady Dealer, and aspires to finish college with over a hundred articles under her name.
