First-Year in SOSC Class Somehow Smarter Than Every Philosopher
HARPER 124 –18-year-old Don Sumbons, a first-year from Indiana, is apparently smarter than every single philosopher that he read in his section of Power, Identity, Resistance.
Sumbons, who goes by “Donny Boy,” says that the ideas presented by the likes of Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau were not unknown to him. “I thought of this shit in, like, elementary school. I was saying the word ‘commonwealth’ at age four. Like just in conversations and stuff,” said Sumbons. “I was the platonic ideal of a boy genius. That’s what my kindergarten teacher said.”
Some of his classmates take a different view of Sumbons’ intelligence. “Every time someone reads a quote out loud in class, he tries to say it faster than them to make it look like it was his own thought,” said second-year Myra Dunde. “Or he’ll just say something that makes no sense, and if people disagree with it he’ll get mad and start saying, ‘Can we just have a goddamn dialectical conversation around here?’ He says ‘dialectical’ a lot.”
When confronted with this quote, Sumbons said, “If my fellow men don’t have a will to power, then I say this sovereign is breaking the social contract under natural law. Dumbass.”
Maisie. Maisie is an editor-in-chief. Like a well-maintained orchid, Maisie will live indefinitely. "Reach for the stars, kid." -Maisie Thompson
