UChicago Gifts Chilean Government With Giant Wooden Horse as Token of Friendship

SANTIAGO – This past Monday, the University of Chicago gifted the nation of Chile a token of friendship and goodwill, a giant wooden horse. The so-called “Friedman-Becker Memorial Horse of Democracy and Free Trade” will be wheeled into the heart of the city later this week.

“The nation of Chile holds a very special place in our hearts, and we couldn’t think of a better way to express that than with a large oaken model of a horse,” President Paul Alivisatos said in his speech. “We hope that the Chilean people will accept this offering as a show of our abiding respect and affection, and that they place it in a strategically important position within their capital.” During the president’s  speech, strange chuckling and grunting noises were heard emanating from the horse. A sound expert consulted by the Dealer explained that it was probably the wind.

Appearing alongside Alivisatos, Provost Katherine Baicker said, “The definitely empty torso of the horse symbolizes the infinite possibilities that await the Chilean people in the years to come. Just like this horse’s belly, Chile’s future can be filled with whatever her citizens set their hearts on. Don’t open it up though.”

The University’s relationship with Chile dates back to the 1970s, when individuals planned and carried out actions alongside other individuals, which resulted in the transpiring of events. Said events have caused opinions both inside and outside of Chile.

In response to the University’s gift, Chilean Minister of Foreign Affairs Alberto von Klaveren said, “Sounds great!”