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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Griffin Bonnin Jones, Andrea Zhou

Managing Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Deputy Managing Editor

Vivian Psylos

Layout Editor

Justin Bilenker

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Volume 16 Issue 5

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 21, 2020

    [pdf-embedder url=”https://chicagoshadydealer.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/volume16issue5-1.pdf”]

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Look Less Delicious to Your Roommate

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 9, 2020

    Don’t shower. Given that you haven’t gone outside in the past two weeks and haven’t seen anyone, this one might already be a given. Showering removes your body’s natural oils and “funk,” if…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    You don’t really have a dairy allergy, have you tried meditation?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / May 9, 2020

    Come on sweetie, you don’t look lactose intolerant! You’re not really lactose intolerant, you’re probably just faking so you get more bathroom breaks. Your poops are liquid? Like an old Philadelphia roll from Shinju, this…

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Read It and Weep

  • Biden Launches Post-Presidency Career as Sommelier
  • Point: Let Women Vote/ Counterpoint: What’s Next, Letting Women Tie Me to a Billiard Table and Pour Mercury on My Genitals?
  • Karl Marx Mistaken for Marx Brother, to Star in Duck Soup
  • God Gets Abraham Real Good for April Fool’s Day
  • In Lieu of My Thesis, Would You Like a Bunch of Random Whale Facts?
  • de’ Medici Family Plans New Restaurant Venture in “Hyde Park, Chicago”
  • Four startups and products that are guaranteed to fail
  • Point: Maybe you need to feed the people? Counterpoint: But what about my golden rotating statue?
  • Top 5 Yummy Political Leaders to Consume
  • Mourning The Molassacre

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