When third-year Hannah Gilbraith came home from tennis practice late last Thursday night, she walked into Campus North as usual, tapped her ID at the front desk, and rode the elevator up to Trott house. Upon opening the door to her room, she was surprised to find her bed, clothing, and all worldly possessions gone and replaced with Pad, a sleek, modern, Asian fusion restaurant that had been constructed and opened mere hours beforehand.
Gilbraith approached the bored second year behind the counter and asked where her room had gone. The cashier replied in a dull monotone, “Welcome to Pad, a sleek, modern, Asian fusion restaurant. What do you want?” Gilbraith repeated her question, and the cashier, now texting her friends about how much of a bitch Gilbraith was being, repeated her reply. After grilling all of the staff on hand, Gilbraith was directed to the back corner of the kitchen, which used to be her closet. All of her possessions were boxed up and smartly stacked next to a couple of bags of rice with a note in UChicago letterhead resting atop them.
“Hello Hannah,” the letter began, “We at the University of Chicago are dedicated to two things, a rigorous curriculum that challenges and encourages students to excel in an interdisciplinary environment, and making a shit-ton of money to pay off the debt we took on to build this fancy square dorm. In the interest of the latter, you have been chosen to be part of a new campus initiative to meld residential life and commercial enterprise by introducing up-and-coming businesses directly into students’ rooms. While we cannot provide you alternate housing at this time, you will be pleased to know we are charging you $5 less for this quarter’s tuition.”
Gilbraith was last seen haggling with the manager of Pad, asking if she could sleep on the floor after restaurant hours.