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I Used a Martian as a Butt Plug and Now They All Want Revenge
I won’t lie. When I see something small and conical, I get to thinking I should stick it somewhere. I can’t be the first person to see a Martian and wonder what it…
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Dear Zorbak: What Do I Do With His Slime While We’re Phylopotastisizing?
Kaphid asks: Dear Zorbak, whenever me and my boyfriend are about to phylopotasticize, I get anxious that I’m not doing enough with his slime. He sometimes asks me to put it in his…
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How to Keep Bae from Smelling Your Chamber Pot
So, you have your lover over, you’ve managed to not step in horse shit all day, and you’re lying in bed together. Nothing could go wrong – or could it? Suddenly, the foul…
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God Needs a Damn Cigarette After Week Four
After a fortnight of constructing reality, a local deity reported that He “just wants a fucking moment of peace.” “It’s not as easy as it looks,“ he started while lighting up a Marlboro…
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Word of the Week: Schadenfreude
Ever heard of banging a ‘uey? Do you like jimmies on your ice cream? Super Bowl LIII is upon us, so now’s the time to learn some useful new terms about our buds…
