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Four Freakish Stress-Induced Bodily Phenomena You Will Experience at This School
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Chronic “Gym Bro” Syndrome Some experts say that exercise is an incredibly efficient stress reliever. But they weren’t conducting their studies here in The Upside Down!…
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University Bans Pornography from UChicago Secure
By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by…
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Seven Places You MUST Barf This O-Week
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 Navigating the University’s historic campus can be hard, especially during the hustle and bustle of O-Week! To learn your way around, here are the seven places…
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First Impressions: Writing a Bomb AF SOSC Essay
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Look at you, in your little first year boots, squealing in terror about the impression you’ll make with your first SOSC essay. Have no fear, baby…
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How to Maximize Your O-Week Merch Haul
By Claire Holland Sept. 24, 2018 Hello, first years! We’re going to start the year with an important lesson: Contrary to what others may tell you, the goal of O-Week is not…
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America’s Most European Supermarket, Indeed: Treasure Island Files for Bankruptcy
By Chicago Shady Dealer News Desk Sept. 29, 2018 Treasure Island, a Hyde Park grocery store that touts itself as “America’s Most European Supermarket” took its emulation of Europe a step further…
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Richard Thaler Depressed After No Longer Being the Center of Attention
By JJ Zheng Oct. 8, 2018 Credit: Getty Images Dr. Richard Thaler, recipient of the 2017 Nobel Prize in Economics, is reportedly feeling depressed after news of the 2018 recipients broke this morning.…
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Ariana Grande Add/Drops Pete Davidson
By Diego Matamoros Oct. 15, 2018 After weeks of sleepless nights, emotional highs and lows, and one pet pig, the predictions of her academic advisor finally came to fruition: pop star Ariana…
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Second Year Attempts to Leave Class for Bathroom, Several Hundred Grad Students Join
By Olivia Reeves Oct. 18, 2018 At 11:03 this morning, second year Callie Plimmer found more support than she anticipated behind her choice to leave Gender Civ to use the bathroom, when…
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“Wait, That’s Where UChicago Is?” Exclaims Gleacher Center Student
By Thomas Noriega Oct. 22, 2018 Economics M.A. Mathis Birman collapsed this week upon hearing that UChicago is actually on the South Side of Chicago, not nestled in the gleaming utopia of the…
