Weirdo Humanities Major Shoves Entire Chicago Manual of Style Up His Ass, Again
By Ella Hester
Oct. 17, 2017
A third year Weirdo is preparing for his third annual consumption of the Chicago Manual of Style, by way of his asshole. When asked of his methods, the Weirdo gave
“I took the Chicago Manual of Style, I rolled it up, I shoved it up my ass, absorbed it into my blood stream, and now I know how to CITE my GODDAMN SOURCES,” he said, heaving. “I know how to identify a FACT and PROVE ITS VERACITY
“While I admire the strength he displays in undergoing this task, the act of shoving the entire book up the anal cavity, in one go, is extremely unnecessary for internalizing the books’ contents,” said Dean Boyer of the College. “There are so many other, gentler ways to ingest the CMoS. I’ve gotten into the habit of drying it out, lightly roasting and then making a tea out of the pages. It is a long, involved process, but I’ve come to enjoy it over the years. It goes down very easy.”
With the 17th edition coming out this year, many others on campus are being creative with their methods of consumption. Before his security detail shooed the Shady Dealer away, we got a glimpse of President Zimmer eating petit fours with the manual embossed in the icing.
“Wow, I wonder what fancy River North bakery he commissioned those from,” said the Weirdo. “He’s not even pretending to work for this. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of cake.”
“It’s admirable… I guess.” said a girl who is in the Weirdo’s BA Seminar. “But why is he being so extra about it? I don’t get why he doesn’t just smoke it like the rest of us.”
