Senator Tammy Baldwin Comes Out as NBA Player
By Stephen Lurie
April 29, 2013
In a move that is bound to shock the homosexual world, Senator Tammy Baldwin has revealed that she is a professional basketball player for the Milwaukee Bucks of the NBA. Writing in the latest issue of Congressional Quarterly, Senator Baldwin, a long time “professional’s professional” of the gay rights movement, opened the piece right to the point: “I’m a 51-year-old Senator. I’m gay. And I’m a Center in the NBA.” As Baldwin writes, though she did not want to be the first Congressperson to come out as a basketball player, someone had to do it.
Although there have been former Senators and Representatives who have revealed their secret life as NBA players after leaving office, Baldwin is the first active representative to do so. Just earlier this year Barney Frank shocked the political world with the admission of being a Point Guard on the 2008 Celtics championship team.
Senator Baldwin expects the announcement to come as a surprise to many. She said, “I go against the basketball player stereotype, which is why I think a lot of my colleagues will be shocked.” Despite her multi-hour, daily gym sessions and regularly leaving Senate votes carrying a basketball, few had any idea.
Another Wisconsin representative, Congressman Paul Ryan, expressed both disbelief and disdain. “I mean, I’d seen her going over game tape many times with Brandon Jennings and J.J. Redick, but I figured it was just a constituent issue. Now I know she is a basketball player, I am never going to share an elevator with her again.” Others have been more positive, including immense support from followers on Twitter, including President Obama, who tweeted, “Way to go Tammy! We should def. ball sometime! #equality”.
Regardless of the tremor the announcement is bound to cause, Baldwin just wants to focus on keeping things normal. “Nothing’s going to change,” she said, “I’m still going to get my votes and my hook shot in. I will still serve, without fail, the people of Wisconsin and the fans of the Milwaukee Bucks franchise.” If anything, she says, coming out as a Center for the Bucks will help her aims in the Senate. “Now when I threaten to block legislation, the GOP better know I’m more than capable of it.”
