Second Year Confused Why People Different from Him Don’t Feel the Bern

By Mary Vansuch

March 3, 2016

Danny McDonald, areaa University of Chicago second– year undergraduate reported to be of “the whitest, upper class fashion”, was left fundamentally confused on Super Tuesday as to why people different from himself did not have political beliefs identical to his own.

“If anything, the Bern should be most felt by poor, rural, southern black people,” explained Mr. McDonald, “After all, as a white college student at an elite university, I am fully aware that the Bern connects best with southern, rural black voters. Thus, I don’t understand why more black people aren’t confessing to feel the Bern. I know I am.”

Mr. McDonald was not alone. When surveyed, every upper class, white University of Chicago undergraduate student confessed that they did not understand why minority voters didn’t understand that the Bern was the best for minorities. 

“Minority communities just don’t understand the facts facing minority communities,” Mr. McDonald confessed, “So I’ve put together a team of fellow white people to save them from their own ignorance.”

Launching the “Explain Bernie to Minorities” campaign, Mr. McDonald has recruited thousands of upper class, white elite college students to go door-to-door telling minority communities why Bernie aligns most with their interests. 

“All they need is a fellow American to shed light on the truth,” Mr. McDonald smiled, “And that’s why we are committed to gifting the Bern to the minorities.”