Point: Race No Longer Divides Us. Counterpoint: I Agree with the Jew

By Teddy Zamborsky

Feb. 1, 2015

Point: Race No Longer Divides Us

I, Paul Steinburg, am able to proclaim, in the year 2424, that race no longer divides us. I am happy to say that there are no longer distinctly black or white ways of life, or jokes, any other form of social interaction. We live in a world where people of all races listen to rap music or go apple-picking on a warm fall afternoon. The world is now truly small, and all people, whether they be white, off-white, beige, eggshell, linen, ivory, cinnamon, blue, magenta, or black now share one culture between them.

I imagine it all started with the election of the first UN Grand Overlord, His Almightiness José Li Kennedy VII, who is composed equally of all races. I know there may be some holdouts who live away from society, and spend all day slowly strumming their banjos– but the world as a whole has finally moved past the ridiculous idea of judging someone or acting differently towards them because of something as trivial as skin color.

Counterpoint: I Agree with the Jew

I have to say: going into this, I didn’t think I was going to agree with the bagel dog. We aren’t very similar. I am a proud Southerner and he is a Bronx Indian, I read the full Bible and he reads a shortened version, I’m going to heaven and he is going to hell, etc.

But this guy is no shyster. He’s not trying to sell you anything, which I know might be hard to believe. Despite our different origins, we do share interests, like apple-picking, rap, and investment banking. And what races could be more different than white and Israeli?

I think it is particularly important that we take notice of just how right this Jew is in the midst of Black History Month. At this point, the holiday is outdated: we don’t need to celebrate one specific race now that we’ve all come a consensus that race is so yesterday. Instead, we should on celebrating our shared, Judeo-Christian, vaguely tan heritage.