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Nov. 14, 2016
There’s nothing like the holiday season to remind you who your friends and family are and also to launch you into a deep, all-consuming depression. Luckily for Courage, the presidential turkey of 2016, there will be many holiday seasons to come. This November, he will be one of themany turkeys of White House lineage to be pardoned from a Thanksgiving death. Yet, Courage has wavered from the gracious path of his foreturkies.
Courage has been going through what is “not just a rough patch, guys” and is now protesting to legalize physician-assisted fowl suicide.
““I am petitioning the president to grant access to medical assistance and guidance for turkeys like myself who no longer have the will to gobble along day after day.” Courage continued, “What’s the point in being a bird that no one thinks can fly, you know?”
Courage noted that he usually spends the holidays “crashing” at his sister’s place in Orlando. HoweverBut, she and her fiancée bought a pug recently so there’s not any space for him left on the futon. Instead, you can find Courage posted at home in Arizona where he will be watching How I Met Your Mother reruns and feasting on some easy-mac like any other Thursday.
When asked to consider those who would miss him Courage respondedretorted, “I understand, and I don’t want to be selfish. That’s why I’ve asked Cemil to keep my blogspot up-to-date as I move forward with this endeavor.”
Cemil is Courage’s closest companion – they are on the same COD Infinite Warfare team but have had trouble synchronizing logins recently because of the time difference between Tucson and Istanbul, where Cemil lives.
“I have my ‘Courage Dies’ playlist ready so I’m really just waiting on the President’s approval. And also my rock tumbler; it’s on backorder from Amazon. I found a rock in my backyard that I think is quartz but I can’t shine it without my tumbler. I’d hate to die on cliffhanger like that,” Courage squawked to himself, finding humor in the small things as his days come to a close. He added that he is hoping to drift away to the tune of Susan Boyle’s Amazing Grace, his favorite song.
On a final note, Courage added, “Also, I don’t know if this is like a Make-A-Wish Foundation type of thing, but I just want to put it out there that I’d really like to see Hamilton before this whole thing finishes up. I mean, I’ve seen a bootleg, but I’m musical theater freak so some front-rowers would really be appreciated.”
Our best wishes are with Courage as he unites gloomy turkeys worldwide. If all goes according to plan, Courage hopes that his ashes will be force fed to President Obama as a part of quaint wake held in his childhood barn.
