Oops! I Thought Delta Epsilon was a Frat

By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo

Oct. 26, 2018

When that cutie in my math class–Brad–asked if I was gonna do Delta Epsilon over the weekend, I got so excited that I screamed inside and also outside. I had been eyeing this guy for weeks, but I had no idea the attraction was reciprocal. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet on Saturday night to look at Delta Epsilon together. I had a date! The rest of the week went by quickly–learning felt like an infinitesimal matter compared to my upcoming hot date, and my rest of my classes passed in a blurry haze.

I called Brad on Saturday afternoon as I was getting ready. The line kept breaking up, and there were some miscommunications, but we mostly managed to have a conversation. I told him how excited I was to see him, and he asked me something about the value of Absolut Vodka. I told him that frat parties typically charged $3 per shot; he sounded pretty perplexed. I just assumed it was because he was used to cheaper shots at parties back home. Then he asked if I was wearing a gel bra. A gel bra? Was this boy really asking about my bra before the first date? And what did he mean by “gel bra”? Did he mean gel inserts? I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I pressed on. He asked if I wanted to meet in front of Harper. I thought that was an odd choice but reasoned to myself that he had probably chosen the location because it was close to the frat row.

A few hours later, I met Brad in front of the library in a crop top and booty shorts. He stared at me. “Won’t you be cold in the reading room wearing that?” he asked me. I was baffled–why were we going to the reading room? Did he have a stash of Absolut hidden in the cubicles or something? I demanded an explanation, thoroughly confused at this point. It was only at this point that Brad clarified what he had meant when he had suggested doing Delta Epsilon together earlier that week.

“We’re going to the reading room because we’re meeting the math tutor there. To do the Delta Epsilon limit proofs? The ones we learned in calc? I told you I was having issues with the algebra and the absolute values aspects of the math.”

I did not know whether to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I apologized, explaining that I had thought he had been referring to something else. Then I immediately ran to my dorm room, which I have not left for the past three days. I’m going to fail my calc midterm, and I didn’t even get a hot date out of it.