Macklemore Searching for New Marginalized Group to Save

By Liam Coles

Jan. 29, 2016

Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his music. After saving both “the gays“ and “the blacks,“ Macklemore officially stated he wants to “personally champion a group of marginalized underlings” of which he is not a part.

Recently Macklemore released the song “White Privilege II,” in which he decried the racism he has not felt nor ever will feel, to a wide audience. Many Americans thanked Macklemore for this because no one before has ever successfully expressed this concern over race. With almost all positive reviews, his song has immediately quelled racial tensions across the nation.

Many Caucasian Americans, who were skeptical of the systematic oppression about which many blacks protested for months, have now realized the errors of their ways after an upstanding white man explained the situation to them.

However, this was not the only time he contributed to a major social justice issue. The song “Same Love” on his debut album strongly advocated for gay rights. This song became the decisive factor in the 5-4 Obergefell v. Hodges decision from the Supreme Court last June, which legalized same-sex marriage. The deciding vote Justice Anthony Kennedy in the official court decision stated, “I was going to vote against it, but then that Macklemore song totally made me see the unconstitutionality of [the gay’s‘] plight.”

Unfortunately, saint and inevitable Nobel Peace Prize winner Macklemore has not yet found another group. He hopes that he can soon draw attention to a new suffering group, which people will now take seriously because he is a straight white male.

Both social and rap theorists have since been speculating which group Macklemore will save next. Many agree that he will make a turn for more international influence, since his music has already saved America twice from the evil grasps of homophobia and racism. Several academics singled out Syrian refugees as the subjecttarget of Macklmore’s next social justice crusade. Noted historian and devoted Macklemore fan John W. Boyer, PhD. claims that he “can see Macklemore actually solving the issue with his music. Just after one song the people will realize that the situation in the Levant and Syria is something with which we need to grapple. One can easily see that once a proper white man takes charge of the issue, the global community can rally around his hip-hop and solvedestroy this global humanitarian crisis.bal threat.”

Despite various other rumors ranging from the poor quality of British teeth to the slow down of the Chinese economy, no one is quite sure which social justice cause or underrepresented group our white hero Macklemore will whitesplain to us Americans next.