Chicago Shady Dealer

UChicago Football Loses to Club Rugby

History was made on Amos Alonzo Stagg Field this Saturday afternoon. To keep players in shape during a rare off week, UChicago Football scheduled a scrimmage against UC Men’s Rugby. 

Will Tackleman, club rugby’s fourth-year captain, said, “Most of us have never played football before, but we thought this would be a good team-building event for the guys.” 

Tackleman’s mother, the game’s sole spectator, kindly gave the Dealer a summary: “It was quite uneventful, to be honest. It looked like the rugby boys chose to play without a quarterback and instead tried to lateral their way down the field. Or they just didn’t know the rules.”

Either way, UC Men’s Rugby managed to kick a field goal and win the game 3-0. A wide receiver, who wished to remain anonymous, blamed varsity football’s multitude of dropped passes on the fact that the opposing team’s shorts were “distractingly short.”

Unfortunately, the Dealer was unable to find student witnesses to the game. One rugby player said, “what happened on the field stays on that field.”