Jeb and Hillary Launch New Line of Cooking Utensils

By Paul Alves

May 14, 2016

Jeb! and Hillary Clinton have announced a joint effort to stop the political momentum of Donald Trump: a brand new campaign cooking line. This line of accoutrements will help you express your distaste for Trump while making tasty meals!

Feminist Guac Bowl – Stick it to the racist and sexist Trump by making your multicultural tacos in a powerful feminist inspired Guac bowl! Birth your guacamole without the pain and the wait!

Wage Gap Waffle Iron – Fight the wage gap with waffles! This waffle iron has swappable plates for each gender. Women get more batter, while men get less. Additional non-binary plates available for purchase.

South of the Border Hot Sauce – Embrace the culture of the many immigrants in our country. Inspired by how ISIS tried to enter the United States through the Mexican border, Iit will leave a taste explosion in your mouth!

High Energy Coffee Maker – Perfect before debates or at 3AM when the US Embassy is being bombed.

Indian Mortar and Pestle – Did you know Jeb! and Hillary Clinton are 1/4387th Cherokee? By using this mortar and pestle, you too can grind the oppressive patriarchy!

Bernie Sanders has also announced a competing cooking line. Products include stale bread maker and a water unpurifier, designed so the wealthy can experience the class struggle. All purchases will be distributed evenly among the purchasers