![]()
Oct. 10, 2016
After reaching the scientific conclusion that “this doesn’t look anything like the one on the box,” a University of Chicago Department of Geophysical Sciences study has found the place on earth with the highest temperature extremes – the Hot Pocket in the lab microwave.
“Though common perception would suggest the place with the highest temperature extremes would be somewhere such as a mountain range or desert, these findings went against all common geophysical hypotheses,” read the study.
“I had no idea my lunch would lead to such a monumental discovery,” said second-year lab intern Abby Leroux. “It’s cool that my Hot Pocket is serving its purpose for science, but also, that was my last Hot Pocket, so now I’m kind of hungry.” The data behind the finding makes a compelling case.
“The Ham & Cheese Hot Pocket was purchased at 0˚ Celsius (32 ˚ Fahrenheit) and cooked until 34˚ Celsius (93.2˚ Fahrenheit),” read the study. “The hypothesis was that if the Hot Pocket were to be heated according to box directions, the entire dish would be brought to meaty, cheesy, crispy perfection. This was not supported by the data.”
The study noted that not only was the center of the Hot Pocket more cooked than either of the ends, but that the temperature of the ends actually dropped to negative 5˚ Celsius (23˚ Fahrenheit).
“Comparison of pre-heating and post-heating data showed that the inner part of the Hot Pocket absorbed thermal energy from the ends during heating, which is behavior unlike any matter we have seen before,” read the study. “Questions as to whether this dually frozen-solid and gooey-crispy melted substance is classifiable by current chemistry or physics or if we have discovered a new state of matter remain unanswerable and necessitate further research.”
The study postulated that the Hot Pocket’s unique heat distribution properties may make them a good heat shield for space shuttles during re-entry, but expressed qualms over NASA’s dry revenue streams.
