2 Chainz Objectifies God

By Drew Armstrong

Feb. 22, 2014

With his most recent single, “Fallaish me Father 4 I have Sinned,” rapper 2Chainz gives missionary a whole new meaning. Tired of defaming women, the G.O.O.D. Music emcee has moved on to bigger, more divine exploits. Whether claiming to make the white-bearded Lord “wetter than Noah,” or performing sodomy on a cirrus on the 69th day, the hip-hop star has evangelists up in arms.

Despite this public outcry from Christians everywhere, many have been seen singing along with even the most inappropriate lyrics, including “so lick my tip, Yahweh,” in churches and prayer groups across the country. In fact, it is rumored that it is Pope Francis’ favorite groove. Regardless, this hit has been heard just as often at christenings as at clubs, and shows no signs of slowing down. We will see if this divine entendre continues when he releases his next single later this month. Until then, we are left to savor this present sensual fellatio oratio.