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April 26, 2016
1. Zebras. With their famous black and white stripes, Zebras are essentially angsty, different colored horses.
2. Alpacas. These Peruvian beasts of burden are South America’s horse. They look like a horse with absolutely no respect for haircuts.
3. Donkeys. Only a chromosome away from a horse, tThe scientific definition of a donkey is actually the offspring of two horses that were related by blood.
4. Giraffe. You know that scene in Willy Wonka, where the kid gets stretched really far? Imagine that, but done to a horse with a tattoo fetish, and voila! A Giraffe.
5. Moose. They have hooves, and they are big and strong like a horse. They do have hooves, right?
6. Goat. They DEFINITELY have hooves, and they traipse through the mountain like a mountain horse would do.
7. Tapir. The horses of the prehistoric jungle, Tapirs eat plants and have a snout. They aren’t horses, but they could have evolved into horses if they tried their best.
8. Dog. For centuries, people have argued if man’s best friend is a horse or a dog. But when you think about it, is there really a difference? I mean there is, but is there really?
9. Seahorse. I mean, the name! They must do some horse shit.
10. My ex-wifehusband, BeckyBob Turner. BeckyBob is loud and unpleasant, and has huge ugly teeth like a horse. HShe also whinnies all the time, and never shaves herhis fucking neck. Exactly like a horse.
