Chicago Shady Dealer

Mitch McConnell rages at Hype House, looks to contract COVID-19 

As COVID-19 rages across the nation, many Americans worry for their own health and the health of loved ones. With the recent breakout of more than two dozen cases among members of the Trump administration, concerns are high about the functionality of our government. Of these masses is Senator Mitch McConnell, who, in a Fox News interview last week, raised his anger at not contracting the coronavirus. McConnell said, “It’s unfair. Absolutely unfair. They’re always leaving me out!” 

This past weekend, McConnell was spotted at the Los Angeles “Hype House” raging with TikTok stars like Bryce Hall and Chase Hudson. In a TMZ interview, Hall said, “My guy Mitch? He’s the chilliest person I know.” After hitting the “renegade” and “throwing it back” a couple times, McConnell returned to Washington D.C. 

On Monday, McConnell tested positive for SARS-CoV-2. He is entering a self-quarantine period at his home in Virginia. After being cured of his FOMO, McConnell celebrated with a bowl of his favorite snack — turtle food.