Sorry! Cool RSO Just One Friend Group That Hates You
Unfortunately for you, reports have recently come in that all the cool RSOs you were interested in joining are actually just tightly-knit, impenetrable friend groups. What’s more, they all hate you specifically.
Says one RSO leader, Justin Brightington, “Yeah, we all bonded when a Breakfast Club-like series of events led to us being trapped in Ex Libris overnight. Yep, what a crazy start to UChicago Consulting Phoenix Fund. Man, when we ate that day-old croissant…Oh my, we have fun.” Brightington dissolved into laughter for approximately 2 minutes. “No new members,” he clarified.
“Yeah, if you weren’t in Chenn House in Fall 2021, respectfully fuck right off,” said Charlie Collage, Chief Outreach Officer of the Maroon Scrapbooking Circle. “Especially you,” he added, looking you up and down.
“Our meeting schedule? Oh, we don’t really do ‘meetings,’” Eliza Winde told you, in regard to her RSO, the Undergraduate Chicago Oboe Association. “We mostly just hang out after the class that we all have together. The oboe class. It’s not really your vibe.”
Getting desperate, you spoke to Vince Flat, secretary of UChicago Beat Poetry Society. “Well, I guess we technically have a listhost,” Flat said. “But what’s the point of a listhost when you already have an awesome Snapchat group chat? You can send each other memes and plan discussion circles on Di Prima!” When you informed him that you don’t have Snapchat, the secretary had some helpful advice: “Oh, too bad. Get Snapchat, man. That’s where it’s at.”
“Well there’s always the Chicago Shady Dealer,” you told yourself. “I heard they’re open to everyone. Maybe even me.”
Yeah, well, pretty much anyone can join, I guess. Maybe not you though.
Maisie. Maisie is an editor-in-chief. Like a well-maintained orchid, Maisie will live indefinitely. "Reach for the stars, kid." -Maisie Thompson
