War of Polish Aggression Commences

By Walker King (1939)

Jan. 24, 2014

Speaking from his home in Berlin, Adolph Hitler gave a powerful address today to the German people: they must stay united if they ever hope to triumph in the War of Polish Aggression.

“Germans, when the fearsome Polish forces stormed across our borders with their horse-mounted cavalry, brandishing sabers, who would have ever thought that the Wehrmacht would be able to repel them?” said Hitler. “While we have had success thus far, the Reich must maintain its courage if we ever hope to capture Leningrad and make sure the Fatherland is forever safe from the Poles.”

German hopes were dimmed when Poland also launched a surprise attack from across the Ardennes forest of Belgium, forcing Germany to capture Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Brussels, Antwerp and all of Luxembourg. But things started looking up for Hitler when German forces took Calais, and Dunkirk, and Paris against significant Polish resistance.

“Once we manage to drive the Polish invaders out of New York, Moscow, Rio de Janeiro, Addis Abbaba, and Hong Kong,” added Hitler, “The thousand-year Reich will finally be safe from their unchecked aggression.”

At press time, Hitler had just announced a campaign of bombing in retaliation for Polish attacks based in London.