Man Rescues Pelican from Oil Spill: What Happens Next Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity

By Alex Foster

April 20, 2014

Here at The Chicago Shady Dealer, a publication with a mission, we strive to pass on awesome stories about the stuff that matters. Well, we believe that oil spills are bad, and recently, Twitter, Facebook, and /r/reactiongifs have been abuzz with the story of William Donnolly, a man who’s making a real difference in the fight to overcome oil spills with the power of love.

Donnolly, 52, a teacher and Tampa Bay resident, was walking his dogs Howler and Catcher on Saturday when he spotted an oil-soaked Brown Pelican that had washed up onshore. Donnolly rushed to the scene and began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until the pelican was able to detach its oily wings from its side and signal to Donnolly that it was alive. Thank goodness for William Donnolly!

But Donnolly didn’t abandon the animal there. “I’ve been around all different animals in my time,” Donnolly explained in an Instagram interview. “We all need the same thing. A pelican’s no different. And Big Willy’s got what they need, okay?”

After the bird tottered to its feet, Donnolly initiated sweet, passionate lovemaking to the still-oily pelican in the Tampa sand. “That’s what I love about nature,” Donnolly said, slowly chewing gum and licking his lips. “It’s the feel of that slick, black petroleum running down the curves of a pelican’s tail.”

Wow. We at The Dealer are grateful that there are still people as passionate about the big issues as William Donnolly. God bless William Donnolly, and God bless us in the media for having the power to get his story heard around the world.

Things that matter. Pass ‘em on.