US Re-invades Iraq for Throwback Thursday

By James Ekstrom

May 13, 2014

This Thursday, the Department of Defense announced its plans to re-invade the Middle Eastern nation of Iraq as a throwback tribute to the U.S. invasions carried out in 1991 and 2003. At 3:30 PM Eastern Time, the DoD posted “Remember this old trip? #TBT #MissionAccomplished #IraqMore” to its Facebook and Twitter, and make a request to the United Nations for joint military action. The posts were followed by a series of Instagram photos of new troop deployments throughout Baghdad, Fallujah, and the greater Anbar province. All photos were run through the “Toaster” filter.

The move comes as part of a broader nostalgia campaign by the U.S. government designed to engage younger citizens. “Army intelligence officers recently completed a comprehensive analysis of The Tumblr, The Facebook, and The Red It [sic], and found a distinct trend among young men and women ages 18-29 to really glorify the times in which our country was involved in Iraq,” Defense spokesman Roger McNulty said in at a press conference following the announcement, “As it happens, that’s a demographic we have a keen interest in engaging. So we thought, hell, why not give them what they want?”

The Pentagon is also in the process of planning parallel youth outreach programs that will help to magnify the engagement effect of the #TBT campaign. While most details are still classified, sources close to The Dealer were able to confirm that young Americans may want to buy a new military grade coat, because it’s going to be getting drafty in this country pretty soon.